This is going to sound really weird and retarded, but here I am opening up my soul to strange world of the internet like an idiot. I already freaked out my boyfriend.
Last night, I was on the phone with Jon when suddenly I felt like I was floating near the ceiling and looking down upon myself. I didn't know who that person was laying in the bed. I didn't know who I was floating. Then all of a sudden, I was the person laying in the bed again and a worm-like stream of colors came bursting toward my face in the dark like it was my soul re-entering my body(O_o?) Even after that I still didn't feel like myself until I turned on my light and could see myself again. When I mean I didn't feel like myself, I felt like I was a person with no name, no history, no knowledge of anything. I just felt like a thing... just there, going through life's repetitive cycles.
( I SWEAR I DON'T USE DRUGS. I SWEAR I WAS NOT DRUNK. )
This then lead me to a bunch of random thoughts like...
...who am I really?
...what am I doing with my life?
Sure, I like many other college students have experienced this on a daily basis, but this... THIS was different. (at least for me)
I began relaying to Jon all these random things I want to do in my life. I began to feel like I haven't really lived nor will I EVER-REALLY-LIVE my life. I'm too scared of just random bullshit and other things.
For once in my life, I truly felt like college wasn't for me. I'm not talking the complaining kind of, "Man, maybe college just isn't for me..." I'm talking about I just wasted my life away with school and will probably continue to waste it away.
Sweet Jesus. I know I'm freaking you out because I am honestly freaked out by this.
It felt like a cliché movie where the girl just packs up and leaves to find herself somewhere. I felt like doing that. Yeah... that's probably it. "Much ado about nothing" or however that saying goes...
It could be a hormonal imbalance... that pint of melted ice cream I ate... that candy I found in my bookbag... a sign from God? O_O?
Man, I AM WEIRD. I'll just shrug it off.
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You should make your life into a movie. That would be interesting! You could use all the tech ppl and recreate that "worm-like stream of colors" that you are talking about cause I absolutely don't know...
ReplyDeleteOn another note, I think I wasted college now. I mean...I'll have a degree and all, but will it really be useful? Particularly now since the economy sucks and I won't have a job.
I feel that way a lot, minus the out-of-body experiences? I'm sure you'll do big thaangs with your life .. the way things are right now, no one is sure and it doesn't seem like a good time to try new things and to take chances. There are so many things out there that I want to explore, and things I would probably be interested in but don't even know it yet.
ReplyDeleteHope you get the courage to do everything you've ever wanted! :)