The Artista in Me HAH

I found this on my computer as I was searching for pics to put on my ipod...

sooo emo :P I walked to Carytown that night by myself, luckily I didn't get hurt.

Metaphysical or hormones?

This is going to sound really weird and retarded, but here I am opening up my soul to strange world of the internet like an idiot. I already freaked out my boyfriend.

Last night, I was on the phone with Jon when suddenly I felt like I was floating near the ceiling and looking down upon myself. I didn't know who that person was laying in the bed. I didn't know who I was floating. Then all of a sudden, I was the person laying in the bed again and a worm-like stream of colors came bursting toward my face in the dark like it was my soul re-entering my body(O_o?) Even after that I still didn't feel like myself until I turned on my light and could see myself again. When I mean I didn't feel like myself, I felt like I was a person with no name, no history, no knowledge of anything. I just felt like a thing... just there, going through life's repetitive cycles.

( I SWEAR I DON'T USE DRUGS. I SWEAR I WAS NOT DRUNK. )

This then lead me to a bunch of random thoughts like...
...who am I really?
...what am I doing with my life?

Sure, I like many other college students have experienced this on a daily basis, but this... THIS was different. (at least for me)

I began relaying to Jon all these random things I want to do in my life. I began to feel like I haven't really lived nor will I EVER-REALLY-LIVE my life. I'm too scared of just random bullshit and other things.

For once in my life, I truly felt like college wasn't for me. I'm not talking the complaining kind of, "Man, maybe college just isn't for me..." I'm talking about I just wasted my life away with school and will probably continue to waste it away.

Sweet Jesus. I know I'm freaking you out because I am honestly freaked out by this.

It felt like a cliché movie where the girl just packs up and leaves to find herself somewhere. I felt like doing that. Yeah... that's probably it. "Much ado about nothing" or however that saying goes...

It could be a hormonal imbalance... that pint of melted ice cream I ate... that candy I found in my bookbag... a sign from God? O_O?

Man, I AM WEIRD. I'll just shrug it off.

Material Love

I figured since I'm 22 it's time to let go of my infamous Wallet :'( I bought a new "grown-up" wallet. It's one of those clip thingie kind of wallet that EVERYONE seems to have. I finally found one with a print that I'm actually in love with :) I think I'll keep my other one in handy though. You know, just in case :P It's cream colored with embossed roses? I think that's the correct terminology? Meh, oh well.

I got one of those infamous Nalgene water bottles because I left my other water bottle at home. I like it because I can monitor how much water I intake on a daily basis :D I bought one for Jon too so we can be environmentally friendly together, YAY haahahaa

I finally got a black belt... hmm. That's about it for that one. I just needed one because a black shirt, blue jeans, and black shoes do not go with a brown belt -_-'

...and last but not least, I got an ipod touch :D Add me on Twitter (GreenJeanine)! Rose Ann made me join it. I have a lot of random applications, but I suppose I'll save that for another blog.

Culture Show this upcoming Saturday. Proving to myself that I am Filipino O_o? I have a minor role and I sound ridiculous. I hate my voice. I think it's too high pitched.

Later days.

Library, here I come.

Blog Blog Blog

I still don't understand this blogspot thing. I am very tempted to convert back to Xanga.

Lent is here.
- no wasting more than 30 minutes on the computer sunday-thursday, that is if i have hw or something due
- dedicate at least 5 hrs to lab a week
- for every cuss word that comes out of my mouth I will donate money to FACT's charity
- no naruto! :X
- O_O'

I have more than one in case the other fails.

March is here! RAWR! In like a lion, out like a lamb.

I just found out about the Nintendo DSi last night and I'm SUPER EXCITED!!! ^_^ *SQUEAL* haahahaa Since it doesn't play GBA games, I think I'll keep my nintendo ds lite... then again, I still have my GBA sp (and my pocket gb :P)

I'm going back to my Filipino roots... as in, I'm in their culture show this year :P I have a very minor role. COME OUT! April 4!

I'm going to Pennsylvania later this month for a rugby game.

I'm getting old...

That's about it...

If you're bored, go to www.fmylife.com! HILARIOUS! :P

insert title

"Don't give up and do your best. You have people that do care and are willing to let you lean on them until you regain your balance once more."

Because you believed in me at weakest moments and pushed me to be and do better, I know I can be better. I love you, ladies. You know who you are :)

One of my many New Year Resolutions is to be nicer and strengthen/maintain my friendships.

This is difficult on so many levels. No matter what the relationship (friendship, love, partnership at work, etc), it's hard to work things out when only one person is trying. I shall persist though... at least, I hope so.

The nicer thing... here is my FAIL story first...

In class with about 200+ people!...
girl: Is our final going to be by you or ACS? [American Chemical Society]
Prof: By me.
girl: Because I like it when it's by the professor because I know how he tests (blah blah blah....)
me: Bitch! Nobody cares!

I know it was loud enough for the girl next to me to hear it. She started laughing which made me realize I had actually said it haahahaa whoops. BUT REALLY THOUGH! He already answered your question that would concern the whole class. We don't need your extra commentary.

Anyway, other than that. I've been pretty nice. I've given people yet another chance, despite my previous conclusions about them.

I know I can be mean, sarcastic, and A LOT of other awful things, BUT I do truly believe I'm a pretty good person and hey, like I said, I'm working on it. BABY STEPS, people.

I mean if you need some random person to rant to, cry to, talk to, hug, or whatever, I'm here for you. I mean I'll probably have to get over the initial awkwardness of "WOW, why is ___ talking to me?"
---

In other news, I didn't know I could sprint as fast as I did in practice the other day.

Comparative Vertebrate Anatomy - 5 credits b/c it's a lecture & lab is going to kick my ass :(

I'm wearing my glow in the dark nail polish Melicia got me. I like to make them look like a mouth laughing at night MWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH :D

I'm going to try to take AND print more pictures this year... as in at least 200! or however many it takes to fill up my photo album.

Alrighty then, good night :D

ps
weight gain FAILED.
started off 112.4
maxed at 115
back down to 113.4 :( dagnabit. I'M STILL TRYING THOUGH!

Goodbye to You, 2008

It's the end of 2008.

According to my Xanga weblogs, I had no new years resolutions for 2008...

Resolutions? None. I know what I have to do. It's just a matter of doing it.

I accomplished that

 Because I joined rugby I... 

- made new friends 

- worked out more 

- stepped out of my box 

- learned to get hit and shake it off... I need to relearn this -_-' 

- think bruises can sometimes be sexy :P

- PROVED PEOPLE WRONG, INCLUDING MYSELF! :D

 I brought up my GPA (even if it was by a smidgeon) during the summer and fall. I don't quite remember the spring semester?? OH YEAH... that's when VSA was taking over my life haahahaa might've not done so well then, hah

2009 is the Year of J9

For far too long have I dedicated myself to others. It's time for me to concentrate on me.

- be more selfish

- be more confrontational, when necessary 

- graduate 

- bring up GPA even more 

- gain weight! 

- continue to work out 

- keep my room in my apt clean at least 4 days of the week 

- buy a male pembroke welsh corgi!... if the funding and timing is right, hah I can do this :)

#1 thing to look forward to in 2009: my braces come off in October :D 

...and if you need someone to cheer you on to do your resolutions, I got you :D

Feel free to suggest some more for me!

Have a Happy New Year!

I hate thinking about the hundreds (even thousands!) of pages that people can write on whatever topic I have for a paper, but I can't even pump out a measly 5 pages (or whatever amount my teachers throw at me) -_- oy.

I've already bought the following items I've been wanting
- digital camera
- camera case
- desk calendar for 2009
- grey skinny jeans
- trifle bowl

For some odd reason the Stryder's "Intoxicated" is playing in my head.

I got super excited thinking that Thursday was coming to Richmond. I was wrong. I was on the Toad's Place website for their Connecticut location. WOE IS ME :\

Off to finish my paper that is due at 930am.

I bid thee adieu.